What a month!

Hello my fellow readers...yes I know it's been quite a long time since we last met. It seems that in the past 30 days so much as happened I really don't even know where to start. Let's see, I think I shall begin with my testicles. (sorry mom, but I do have to start somewhere!)

As many of you are aware, I did the "consult" in which my European "doctor" with broken fingers "consulted" with me (and other parts of me!) Well the surgery was scheduled and performed. I shant go into all the gory details, but lets say for all you men out there, you remember that feeling when that girl (we never forget your name!) who kicked us in the nether regions in the 3rd grade! (HER name was Rachel Kraft by the way!) Well that feeling remained with me for 2 weeks! Can you imagine??! Two weeks of that pain in your diaphragm! Well folks I'd like to say that I took it all like a champion of epic proportions but I'm sure the first person to comment would be my wife who would completely disagree. She would tell you that I cried like a baby, couldn't hold our newest son and constantly complained about my testicles day and night...well they did hurt you know!!

So, moving on to another sport, let's discuss the idea of moving...I'm sure by now that most of you are aware that the "lil miss'es" and I were planning on leaving this great land of Maryland to the land where a Republican vote actually counts and steak is not something you eat once in a while but is required by law at every meal. Well after much consideration we decided NOT to move!! Yes that's right, we're staying put. In short, here's what happened...

We looked at ALL the possibilities and decided that the best move for us would be to stay here. So we looked at keeping our townhouse (about 2 weeks to closing at this point) and did find a loophole. Not being very comfortable with that, we decided we wanted to leave anyway. So...we had all our furniture moved into storage and all of my true and faithful friends helped move all the heavy stuff! (of course they did ALL complain about moving all the stuff out of the attic!) Afterwards, we went to closing...which for the first time was actually quite painless. That was a Friday...so with a new apartment (6 days old) and a sold house (1 day old) what do we do...go house hunting! Saturday and Sunday...how painful! I don't think that my wife and I have fought more in a 48 hour period! By Sunday night we had made an offer (50K LESS, I mean it IS a buyer's market right??) and it was accepted!! Yes folks you read that right, within a 5 day span, we had moved, sold and bought another house!!


OK so lets just recap here...since we've been married, lets see it's been 3 years, we've bought and sold and bought a house, had two kids, gave away our dog, completed major construction on a house, wife has worked in 3 different schools, I've worked in 3 different positions, had a vasectomy, diabetes, got rid of diabetes, thought our son was autistic, went through months of therapy for him, gone through 3 day cares, moved our furniture twice, and threatened our entire family that we wanted to move 3 times out of the area! I think we've actually hit EVERY stress indicator there is!

Let's not forget that in the past 10 days I've found out that it's likely I'll be returning to patrol. In fact I just found out that my paltry 25K budget won't be renewed. But of course the Humane Society has spent over that ensuring that the Box Turtle is not displaced from their habitat because of the dreaded ICC. So turtles have a better budget to keep them safe than Alzheimer's and Autistic children!! Great just great...if there's a silver lining this is it...I did just get my new 2008Mad Max Dodge Charger...at least I can drive fast through those red light cameras!

Now if everything were to go according to plan, all I have to do is replace the idol with a bag of sand, avoid the big boulder only to have my prize taken by Belloch! (if you don't know this reference you don't deserve to ever see another movie or spend time with me again!) The real question remains...is the other shoe going to drop??